UNTIL HE BRINGS ME HOME

grace upon grace upon grace upon sovereign, boundless, free, amazing grace

After yet another wonderful weekend, I pack my things, say goodbye to the siblings, and go out to my mom’s car. We pull out of the driveway, start talking, and—as is our custom now, it seems—the conversation turns into storytelling time. My mom joyfully (and with remarkable recollection) tells; I joyfully listen.

Today, I want to hear about how she and dad met. Having been, up through the very day of my high school graduation, the quintessential, get-out-my-way, arrogant, ungrateful, rebellious, I-can-do-this-on-my-own child, I had just never been interested.

She begins to paint me a picture of China in the 70’s. I’ve heard about the Mao days. I’ve heard about how her father—a journalist, intellectual, and “right-winger”—was exiled to the countryside for hard labor; I’ve seen his scars. But this, I haven’t heard about.

My mother and father were classmates back in high school. This was soon after Deng Xiaoping gained control of the Chinese government (after Mao’s death in 1976) and, as part of his reform work, revamped the nation’s educational system. Schools were reopened, teachers (those who hadn’t been purged) were brought back, and my parents were among the first waves of students.

As you may know, education plays a massively important part in Chinese culture. This is, in part, rooted in a system of entry/qualifier tests that are administered to Chinese students. My mom and dad both had to take exams that would determine a) whether or not they moved on to high school, b) which one, and c) which classes (e.g. honors classes) they would take. The quality of the high school would correspond with the performance on the exam. My mom and dad were both placed in the same high school (from what I could tell, it was a rather prestigious one) and in the same honors classes.

She tells me that my father had achieved a reputation of sorts by then. Here, I think it’d be safe to say that he would be called a “nerd.” But since this is China we’re talking about, I think “stud,” or something along those lines, would be more appropriate. He was, according to my mom, consistently the best in their math class, with the 2nd place kid miles behind. (In fact, about 5 freeway miles worth of the story is dedicated to her cheerfully recalling the one time she beat him on a test, and how the teacher personally visited her home to tell grandma.)

But that, she says, was not at the heart of his reputation. My dad had a reputation in high school because everyone in the class knew about his parents. Everyone knew that they were illiterate and the poorest of any of theirs; his father had also been sent to a labor camp, and my dad’s youngest brother—because their mother could not make ends meet on $15/month for 3 children—had to be sent to camp as well. And in at least 18 generations, not a single person in the family had ever been formally educated.

Her family, though comparatively well-off, faced similar struggles. Grandma was never able to attend college, because of how little money her family had; her own father (that is, my great-grandfather) had abandoned the family early on, running off with another woman. My mom talks about how she had to work for several years in Hong Kong before making enough to travel to the States to begin studying at the University of Dallas, Texas.

My father’s not much of a talker now, and he doesn’t dwell much on the past. I want to hear about what he was like back then.

He studied, and he studied. That’s all he did, she says. He studied despite the fact that his whole family was cramped into a one-room studio. He studied despite the long distance from his house to the school. She also points out the health problems he has nowadays—bad teeth, bad back, bad bones—she explains that his family never had enough for much food, let alone milk. Given those circumstances, the family’s future depended on him. And so he studied.

He studied until he got into the USTC, which (if Wikipedia is to be trusted) currently ranks 49th worldwide. There, he studied until he got into UCLA, where he got his doctorate. All this he did on merit; he never paid a cent. In fact, she says, they paid him to go to school.

Somewhere in the middle of all that, they got married. And then, in 1992, their firstborn child popped out at the Kaiser Permanente in (near?) Daly City, California. And, as they say, it all went downhill from there.

______

(Just kidding. Well, sort of.)

I do not write this as a celebration of humanity. I do not write it, even, as a celebration of his or her efforts, or of their combination of powerful intellect and (more powerful still) work ethic. I write it primarily as a celebration of the sovereign grace of God. It was this sovereign grace that allowed for a young, enormously underprivileged boy to find his way. It was this sovereign grace that allowed for a girl in a completely foreign country to persevere. It was this sovereign grace that brought them together. It was this sovereign grace that brought me here; in him all things hold together! In him all things hold together, indeed.

And I consider how much time I wasted in high school (even in college), how much pain I put my parents through, how much I ungratefully rejected their love and kindness, how many times I came home at 3AM to a cold dinner set out for me hours before—yet, it is against him I have sinned (Psalm 51). It is his grace I have squandered.

But as Samuel says to the Israelites, 

“Do not be afraid; you have done all this evil. Yet do not turn aside from following the LORD, but serve the LORD with all your heart. And do not turn aside after empty things that cannot profit or deliver, for they are empty. For the LORD will not forsake his people, for his great name’s sake, because it has pleased the LORD to make you a people for himself.” 1 Samuel 12:20b-22

So it is with me. It should not take this kind of story to convict me and compel me to work hard to honor my parents, for the glory of God. The Word and the gospel should be enough. But sinful man that I am! still, I am glad for the story, because it has reminded me anew:

The greater grace was in saving my parents. All the studies, accolades, success, and hard work mean nothing compared to this—what Christ did at the cross in dying in the place of sinners, the righteous for the unrighteous, that we might be reconciled to God. I am glad, above all else, that he has provided me the greatest grace in my salvation.

There’s a joy, joy, joy, joy, down in my heart!

even if I am to be poured out as a drink offering

In this congregation, we are not as blessed as many of you are;

we do not have hordes of college students who are in the best seasons of their lives as far as their growth, learning of the Word, and fellowship are concerned,

we do not have seminary students, interns, and pastors galore, who are brilliant and godly, willing to counsel and desperate to learn theology, training to sacrifice and being equipped to shepherd

we do not have the sort of resources, teaching, and training that is found readily available elsewhere (and I know it’s out there, and desperately wish I could bring all of it home)

and so, there is less theology, dedicated thought, willing study, gospel-preaching, digging deep, accurate biblical study, hermeneutics, orthodoxy, loving accountability, encouragement, and all the rest; there are not many who are willing and able to disciple, not many who are equipped to do the labor

and these kids—so many of them—assume to understand the gospel, see but do not understand, and are plagued by worry over academics and drama at school and sins and guilt and questions and so few places to go, so little knowledge of God, so little clarity, so little joy in salvation

the pastors can be wearied and many can be discouraged, and some people leave and I know it is difficult, sometimes, to stay—it is, even, the wiser thing for them.

And how I have, since my return, been humbled! I am not wise, I am not powerful to change these hearts, my exposition of the Word seems insufficient, I have so much to learn, I have so little time and strength

I have sinned against many—pastors, advisors, counselors, youth—and fallen short many times; too often, my heart is not desperate for their souls, my mind is not focused on their sanctification, and I myself am not always laying aside every weight and sin which clings to closely and looking to the cross.

But God.

My faith is in that glorious work of Calvary; my faith is in the sovereign work of this author and perfecter of faith; my faith is in the sufficient and authoritative Word of God; my faith is in the gospel, power unto salvation; my faith is in this Savior who answers and is wise; my faith is in the one who is carrying out the work he began in me to completion; my faith is in the one who will, as is necessary, equip me

I want to be useful, faithful to the Word, steadfast in prayer, above reproach; I want Christ to be the preoccupation of my heart and mind; I want to spend everything I am for as long as is proper, here

by grace, and to whatever ending.

what is written on this manuscript

They are not my words;

they are not fully descriptive of my own practice;

they are not put together well, and seem rather bland;

but I, as humbly and faithfully as I can, bring them to you now,

because I love you,

and because I desperately want you to know God, to be saved by him, to respond to him, to treasure him, to trust him, to obey him, to find your satisfaction in him,

to be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God;

John 3:30;

the Word does the work.

I am desperate to tell you this good news again

Sometimes believers will throw up their hands in frustration with non-Christian people they know. “I have said everything I know to say to her about the gospel,” one might say. “She already knows it all and doesn’t believe.”

Often what we seek is another argument, a hidden angle that our interlocutor hasn’t thought through before. But that’s rarely how the gospel is heard and received. Think about it in your own case. Did you believe the gospel the first time you ever heard it? Perhaps you did, but if so, you’re quite unusual. Most of us heard the gospel over and over and over again until one day it hit us in a very different way.

And what was different about it? Was it a new argument? Did you say to yourself, “Wait, you mean there’s archaeological evidence proving the historical existence of the Hittites?” or “Hold on, there were five hundred witnesses to the resurrection? Well, what must I do to be saved?”

No, in most cases what we heard was the same old gospel — Christ crucified for us, buried, raised from the dead — and suddenly there was light (2 Corinthians 4:6). Suddenly what had seemed boring or irrelevant to us now seemed quite personal. We heard a man’s voice in that gospel, and we wanted to follow that voice (John 10:3, 16). We saw a light of glory that overwhelmed us (2 Corinthians 4:6). The same is true with the as-of-yet unbelieving world around us or the as-of-yet unbelieving relatives we have waiting for us at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

You need not be intimidated by unbelievers, as though what you need is a more nuanced “worldview” to protect the kingdom of God from their threats. Yes, we engage in apologetic arguments, but those aren’t at the hub of our mission. By talking with unbelievers about arguments against the existence of God or scientific evidence for blind natural selection or whatever, all we’re doing is listening to the defense mechanisms of those who are, as we were, scared of the sound of God’s presence in the garden. We should talk about those things lovingly, but not so we can defend the faith. We engage others only so we can get to the only announcement that assaults the blinding power of the god of this age (2 Corinthians 4:4).

The gospel is big enough to fight for itself.

-Russell Moore, Tempted and Tried: Temptation and the Triumph of Christ, 110-111 (source: http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/the-gospel-is-big-enough-to-fight-for-itself)

Amen, amen, amen. 

Romans 1:16

who can boast?

For a very long time, I would never complain about my grades, though they were many light-years away from great. And by “light-years,” I mean “letters.” (And by “great,” I mean “A’s.”) But I wouldn’t complain, because it was easy for me to recognize that I deserved every single one. Why? Because I barely studied. And a six-year-old could tell you that if you don’t work for it, you don’t deserve it.

The prevailing mindset went something like this: “I didn’t study, so I deserve this grade—but I know that if I did study, I would easily beat everyone in this class.” This attitude of mine was a deeply rooted and cocky one. I was sure that I was more capable than most, if not all. To every ounce of intellectual superiority I pridefully clung, because in it I found my worth and identity; I could fail a midterm and still knew (or wrongly assumed) that I was one of the smarter ones, and I was proud of it.

On the other side of the same coin, you’d find something like this: “If I really am one of the smarter ones, I should be able to get an A without studying as much.” This was at the root of even more insanity. There would be times when I would actually be frustrated with myself when I had to study. See, I wanted to be one of those people—the ones who never work and always win.

Given all this, it was easy for me to tell people to “trust in God’s sovereignty.” Grades weren’t a big deal to me, and I presumed that it meant that I was trusting in God and was being faithful—when, in reality, it was (at least, in significant part) merely because I was placing my faith in my own abilities.

This attitude, it seems, is rather common. It could be academics. It could be music. It could be sports. It could be anything. But I hope that you, reader, are not like me. I hope none of you make my mistakes. But if you do, then I hope you are fighting. And this is for us all:

At the heart of the issue is pride. We take pride in our prowess. We find self-worth in the strength of our minds. We do some things better than other people and those things become part of our identity. This isn’t limited to talent or innate ability. We can boast in our work ethic, too. We might consider ourselves as self-made, deserving of every point in our GPAs and dollar in our paychecks (and perhaps even more).

But let us, for a moment, consider how much of this we actually own. Did we bring ourselves into being? Did we earn oxygen, parenting, education, food, and water? Did we claim our genome at birth by merit? Did we create our own minds?

There are two things (among many) that are made very clear in the Bible:

1. God creates. We are created. That encompasses everything from mucus to musical talent, from ethnicity to ethical conscience, from fingers to feelings. He put me together in the womb. Psalm 139 is a comforting passage, but it is also humbling truth. Did I earn intellect? Did I form my own mind? I did not. In fact, the good works we do are ordained by God, as well (Ephesians 2:10). Everything we have, was given by a God of grace. And that is humbling, indeed.

2. The worth and identity of the Christian are not found in the Christian—they are found in Christ. In fact, there is nothing of worth within us that God should love us; from birth we identify with evil and immorality, being spiritually dead in our trespasses and sins (Ephesians 2:1). We fall short of the standard (Romans 3:23); the things we do call for wrath and punishment by a perfect and holy God (Romans 6:23). But Christ, at the cross, has died in my place in order to purchase me forgiveness and reconciliation with God (Colossians 1:19)! His righteousness is sufficient. His obedience is enough. His sacrifice wins my salvation. I cannot stand on my own merit to gain favor with God, so why boast in that? Why consider that of any value? No, I have considered all things as loss compared with the surpassing worth of knowing Christ. 

That is, after all, what it comes down to. Losing grades, internships, jobs, friends, family—it’s nothing compared to being cut off from, and ultimately eternally punished, by God. And the best sacrifices that we can bring couldn’t win us salvation.

______

Since then, I have—by God’s gracious, sanctifying work in my life—grown in my desire to work hard for the glory of God (Matthew 5:16, Colossians 3:23-24). But there is still much unbelief, much sin, and much room to grow. More frequent now is the frustration that comes when I actually do study and do not do as well as I would like. Perhaps you can relate. So it is always a struggle, and those are humbling moments, indeed.

Wherever you find yourself, reader, I hope that by the grace of God, we will put less stock in our results and more stock in hungering and thirsting after righteousness. I desperately hope that we will place no value in ourselves, but all of it in Christ and his gospel.

Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 73:25-26

diligently hear and humbly do

The Bible is the Word of God:

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.

2 Timothy 3:16-17 (emphasis added)

If that is true, then Paul’s exhortation should be an obvious next step:

See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ.

Colossians 2:8

Herbert Carson explains further:

“This does not mean that he should come with a blind unreasoning faith. But it does mean that, instead of bringing philosophical presuppositions which will color his study of Scripture and so prejudice his interpretation, a man comes as one conscious of the finiteness of his intellect and aware that his mind also is affected by his sinful nature. Thus he is willing to be taught by the Holy Spirit and acknowledges that it is the Word of God, rather than his own reason, which is the final arbiter of truth.”

Moreover, when it comes to exposing what’s innermost within us, the efficacy of the Word is affirmed—it is far better at exposing motives and thoughts than, for instance, introspection:

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

Hebrews 4:12-13

Having a mere knowledge of the truth, however, is not enough. Orthodoxy produces orthopraxy; the more we love God and delight in his glory, the more we will obey (1 John 5:3); we must put what we know into practice:

“Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do what I tell you? Everyone who comes to me and hears my words and does them, I will show you what he is like: he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when a flood arose, the stream broke against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built. But the one who hears and does not do them is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. When the stream broke against it, immediately it fell, and the ruin of that house was great.”

Luke 6:46-49 (emphasis added)

Joshua Harris notes:

Jesus started his story with a piercing question. He asked, ‘Why do you call me Lord but don’t do what I say?’ That question makes me uncomfortable because I can ‘t pretend I don’t understand it. And I feel that he’s talking to me, that he’s talking to religious people—people who claim to belong to God, people who say that Jesus is Lord. This is interesting because it clues us in to the fact that Jesus isn’t just contrasting religious and nonreligious people. He’s not just saying that atheists get their houses [which represent their lives—their beliefs, convictions, aspirations, and choices] knocked down. He’s talking to people who claim to believe in God.

Dug Down Deep, 18

Therefore:

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Romans 12:2

today is a really, really good day

“‘Yes, sir,’ says such a sinner, ‘I feel that if God should smite me now, without hope or offer of mercy, to the lowest hell, I should only have what I justly deserve; and I feel that if I be not punished for my sins, or if there be not some plan found by which my sin can be punished in another, I cannot understand how God can be just at all: how shall he be Judge of all the earth, if he suffer offenses to go unpunished?’”

-Spurgeon, “Expiation,” from Isaiah 53:10, at the Metropolitan Tabernacle, Newington

When we really understand what the Bible says about the perfect Trinitarian relationship between Christ the Son and God the Father (‘I and the Father are one’),

about the righteousness of Christ—how he perfectly fulfilled the law and was obedient in everything (‘my food is to do the will of him who sent me and to accomplish his work’),

about our sins, both original and committed, which are all out of unbelief, in rebellion, and because we do what is right in our own eyes,

about justice—how the righteous deserve honor, and the wicked deserve punishment,

and when we then consider what happened at the cross—that Christ would go to the cross and, for three hours, suffer the wrath of God in our place (‘my God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’)—in order to restore our relationship with God:

how can we complain? how can we not be thankful? how can we not wonder, “why choose me?” how can we be discontent? how can we not trust him? how can we not want to learn more about him from his Word? how can we not tell others? how can we not enjoy him?

Today is a good day, not because I’ve played Pascal’s Wager and own fire insurance just in case the Bible is true (for that would not be true belief). Today is a good day, because I—for whatever reason—was selected to be a vessel of mercy and have been shown completely unmerited favor. This favor was bought with the blood of Christ. I have been allowed to behold the glory of God and delight in him.

Today is a good day, because today I am not suffering the wrath of God in Hell.

Given that,

let’s not waste today.

link: three simple ways to encourage your pastor